I realized early Freshman year that I should have probably gone to Israel that year. I came to college where I had to meet all these new people and try to define myself to them and I never was sure where to put in Israel. So i decided, ill go abroad there. I worked at TY that summer and met lots of Israelies and lots of ZIONISTS and got a little sucked into the idea and said junior year israel junior year israel.
So now I am here, obviously, but it is finally time to figure this all out. This whole identity crisis that is the Israeli/American Noa. Where do i fit in in israel? where do i fit in in america?
So lots of thinking. I went to the Kibbutz and that helped me a lot to come to terms with my childhood home and realized I still love it and will always want to go back.
But what about the rest of Israel? So Ariela helped me realize that i am very constrained by this American zionist idea that I have to FFFEEEELLLL something spiritual and fulfilling about Israel, this whole "coming home" "finally fitting in" "fill a void in my heart" idea towards Israel. and i realized that harbored a lot of my problems toward Israel that I just wasnt feeling these things. As much as i love israel i am not feeling this intense pull towards it. It was stressing me out that i wasnt feeling like i have to stay here the rest of my life, but that is okay.
It can be where I grew up, a place i know, and a place filled with interesting places, friends, and ideas but it doesnt have to be everything. I am happy with my life in America and expressing my Judaism in america, and israel may not hold a spot i am missing in my life, but I can still like it and want to visit it.
It definitely isn't like going abroad to any other country because it holds so much meaning in my life but it is also okay for me to say that I like my place in life right now and I am okay to return to america in a few months and not necessarily be counting down the days until i make aliya
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